Remembering Jax: You Gotta Bee-lieve

Those of you who follow me know that our beloved Irish Wolfhound, Jax, died unexpectedly Friday morning. We knew our time with him was short, as he had the onset of congestive heart failure, but was being treated with meds and receiving regular care by our amazing local vet and the cardiac vets at the University of Illinois – Urbana. Unbeknownst to any of us he had stomach issues that went undiagnosed until it was too late.

No matter how big he got, he was always our puppy….

This is a long post and has taken me a week to write. I had to stop frequently, because these damn eyes wouldn’t let me see the keyboard, but I needed to memorialize this, for both him and I. As a writer, you would think that the words would have come easily, but they didn’t. How do you describe the pain of losing someone who was an integral part of your life?

Jax was the first dog I had as a puppy. We got him when he was only a few weeks old. Ironically, he was not even the dog we went to look at. We went to see his sister, Big Brownie, but she didn’t want anything to do with us, and then there was this little runt, Blackie, who wouldn’t leave us alone. He crawled all over us and played with the kids. It was as if he was crying out, ‘take me, take me.’ What can I say, we left with him and thus began Jax’s new life with us.

Nothing prepares you for life with a big dog and Irish Wolfhounds hold the number one spot as the world’s tallest breed. It’s like getting pregnant and finding out you’re having quintuplets. He looked like a puppy, okay a gangly goofy puppy, but that didn’t last long. People thought we were joking when we said we’d put him in the crate at night and he’d come out bigger. Folks, it was no joke!!

What were we feeding him ?

At times it was hard to remember he was just a puppy, because he soon dwarfed every other dog. But he was goofy and loveable and had the warmest brown eyes you’d ever seen. And he loved our cats and, weirder still, they loved him. During the winter months it was not uncommon to see them sharing his bed in the living room, next to the fireplace, and in the summer laying on the deck together.

You know you are loved, when the cats adopt you into their inner circle !!

Nancy used to complain that we didn’t run him enough, and I used to ignore it because hey, I don’t like running when I have to, which is never. In retrospect, I missed out. I should have. There was a time, when we would go for walks along our road, which is a mile long. One day I thought, well hell, I’ll give him a run like she wants. Yep, awesome idea….. For like 1.4 seconds. You see, Jax at full run had a leg span of over 6’ feet. In retrospect, it makes sense. They are not called wolfhounds because of appearance, but rather because they were trained to kill wolves. The breed did such a good job in Ireland that they eradicated wolves in the 18th century. Needless to say, my days of trying to run with Jax crashed and burned rather quickly.

One of the other bright ideas I had was to fence in our backyard, so he could have a large play area. We have a fairly large amount of trees, so I went to the home improvement store and got 5’ high snow fencing. I ran it around the trees and sectioned off what I thought was a decent area for him to roam and play in. Remember those legs? Yep, leaped it like a gazelle.

Ironically, as big as he was, he never knocked anything over, which is quite impressive for a dog that was nearly as long as our kitchen table and who’s face cleared the kitchen island with room to spare. In fact, one of his favorite things to do, while I was sitting at the island, was to stick his head underneath my arm and poke his nose through to see what was going on. He’d also leave the cutest little whisker tracks on the counter-top.

Another thing he loved to do was to spin around, 360 degrees, like a bucking bronco. It always amazed Nancy who couldn’t believe that, despite his size, he maintained such a tight circle.

And Jax loved the ladies. Anyone who came to our home would tell you, once they got over the initial fright of seeing this massive dog and hearing his window rattling bark, was that he would love to rest his face on the center of their chest and get love. No, I didn’t teach him that and apparently Jax was not keen on obeying any social distancing constructs.

One funny story was that Nancy had once been heavily into horse riding / instructing and had an old whip. One day, when Jax wasn’t listening, as he was prone to do, she said, ‘I’m going to get the whip,’ and she did. It has a rigid leather shaft of about five feet and then about four feet of braided leather that dangled. She got that whip and you would have thought she rained down fire. Now, we had no idea why just the mere sight of the whip commanded his instant attention, but it did and it shocked us. I mean we had him since a puppy, so he had never been mistreated, so it just kind of stumped us. But that whip was his kryptonite. If we had company come over and didn’t want him to get in everyone’s face while we were sitting down, we would just rest the whip in the door frame and problem solved. Looking back it was comical to think this dangly little whip kept him out of a room, but he would not cross it; this massive dog, thwarted by thin braided leather.

When we were refurnishing our home a few years back, we got a lovely chair to go in our living room which matched the décor. It was not a cheap chair and that was when we learned Jax also had good taste. One of his favorite things to do was go sit down and look out the window toward the pond. I always wondered what he was thinking. At times he would get a little too comfy and nod off.

Life comes at you fast……….

When you have a dog that big, you learn quickly that ads for dog treats, toys, and beds have a different meaning when it comes to an Irish Wolfhound. I mean, how many other dogs do you know that have their own single mattress? Yet, he always loved curling up on his memory foam bed in the middle.

Doesn’t everyone have a bed ?

And if he wasn’t sitting in his chair, or lying in bed, he’d curl up on the couch to watch me play video games. Apparently it was Jax’s world, we just lived in it.

Couch Comfort Level: Jax tested & approved

Our years with Jax were never boring. No matter where he went, he was the center of attention. Everyone was drawn to him by his size and gentle demeanor and he loved the attention. Friend or stranger, everyone wanted a picture with Jax and he aimed to please.

Jax loved my friend & fellow author, Larry Wilson

Even when he would go to the vet’s office there was never an issue. Jax never needed to be handled; he would simply just stand there majestically and let them do whatever needed to be done. I don’t think I could adequately describe the level of trust he had.

Irish Wolfhounds only have a lifespan of about 6-8 years, so we knew as the years passed what we were going to eventually face. As my puppy’s muzzle began to gray, he became my ‘old man.’ We did all we could to help him, including joint supplements and medications. A few years back he had a minor surgery to biopsy what turned out to be fatty tumors, but he didn’t bounce back easily from the anesthesia. That was something that weighed heavily on our minds going forward.

Last November, our son was walking the dogs, when Jax went down. I’ll never forget the panic as he ran up the backstairs to tell us.  I raced across the frozen ground to get to him. At the time we thought it was just exertion and cold. The vet told us to just monitor him, but he was fine. In February, we were outside and he came running up the hill and I saw it happen. He went down right in front of me. I laid on the ground holding him and Nancy got a blanket to keep him warm. At that moment I thought it was seizures. We got him into the vet and he said his heart wasn’t beating right. After a few phone calls, we were referred to the veterinary teaching hospital at U of I, where they had cardiac specialists. It was then that we learned the horrible news that he had dilated cardiomyopathy, or an enlarged heart, which the breed is known for. The doctors were amazed by his overall health and said with prescriptions and special food we could prolong his life, but they couldn’t say how long. We decided to do everything we could to give him the best chance possible.

And he was doing fine.

Thursday, May 21st, was like any other day. He spent a large part of the day just sitting outside while we were working in the garden. And for dinner he was thrilled when Nancy added some stew meat and carrots to his dinner bowl. Afterwards, we went out for a walk and then stood on the deck. A bumble bee came around and he leaped up to get it. Jax loved to chase after bumblebees. He never caught one (thank God), but he loved the chase. We quickly ushered them in and settled in for the night.

Just after midnight he was whining, and Nancy took him out. They had him on diuretics, so this was fairly common. Then around 1 am, he came over and rested his head on her and she took him out again. After she brought him in, she stayed up. Around 2 am, I heard him gagging and jumped out of bed. It sounded like he was trying to throw up. I got him out the back door, but he was just pacing and gagging. I quickly got dressed and called Nancy who was having coffee. He went down the back stairs and was wandering around. I knew something was seriously wrong. We were trying to get him back to the house when he collapsed. We stayed with him outside until he was able to get back up and we brought him in the house. Nancy began checking symptoms and called the emergency animal hospital in Springfield.

One of Jax’s favorite things to do was to go for car rides. Not exactly an easy thing to do with a dog his size, but fortunately we have a Suburban that accommodates him.

When your vehicle choices factor in all the members of the your family.

I’d open the back and he’d jump right inside, but not this night. I reached down and gently gathered him up in my arms and lifted him into the back. Twenty minutes later we were at the hospital. Once again Jax walked in with the tech, I guess he always knew they were only trying to help. Because of the damn virus, we couldn’t go back with him. I’ll never forget watching him walk into the hospital.

We got a call from the doctor who said he had a twisted stomach and would need surgery. We told her to go ahead and do whatever needed to be done. She said we could go home and pick him up at 7:30 and bring him to our vet for aftercare. We no sooner walked in the door, when we got the call. The damage was too far gone. They wanted to know whether they should sew him up and bring him out of the anesthesia, so that we could come back up and say goodbye, but we couldn’t do that, not to him. Nothing was going to change the outcome, and it was more important for us to let him go peacefully.

Jax had beaten the odds for his bread and passed away on May 22nd, 2020 at the ripe old age of 9 years.

Nothing beats the outdoors !!

There are no words to describe the feelings I have struggled with for the past several days, but suffice to say that my heart is broken. Going to bed at night and not having him come over to have his head rubbed, and then not having him laying in his bed when I wake up, is a constant reminder of the void in our home. There are no rooms in our home without memories of Jax, and this home only feels lonely without him here. His collar hanging on the hall tree, his empty bed at the base of ours, his toys in the basket, the prescription dog food in the closet, the errant clumps of wayward hair that never go away no matter how often you vacuum, the bed I had for him in my office; all constant reminders of our loss.

Can I sleep in your office, Dad ?

Friday we sat here numb, struggling with the fact that he would not be coming home. With tears in my eyes, I asked God for a sign, just to let me know that he was okay. As Nancy and I sat on the back deck, a bumblebee appeared. And for the next half hour that bumblebee hovered over each one of us. There are no flowers out there to attract them and yet this bumblebee came down and moved back and forth between me and Nancy for over a half hour. It’s been a week now, and every time we go out back, the bumblebee reappears and stays by us. At times I have held out my hand and it has flown over to me, hovering near my fingers. We’ve taken to calling him BumbleJax. I’m not sure of your belief system, but for me it was God’s way of letting me know my boy was fine.

In closing, I am reminded of the way Jax would rest his face on my chest and stare up at me with those big brown eyes. In those eyes was an unconditional love that speaks to just how one-sided the human / canine construct is. Our dogs never judge us, they never frown on our shortcomings, and they never not have time for us.  They just want to be with us and that is not asking for much. What I wouldn’t give to be able to lay down next to him on the floor and just tell him I love him one more time, but those opportunities are gone forever. Don’t let a day go by without letting your furry buddy know just how much you care. To that end, let us all strive to be the type of person our dogs thinks we are.

Rest easy, Jax. You are forever loved and will forever be missed. You weren’t just a good boy, Jax, you were the Best Boy!!

A memorial gift from one of Jax’s best friends, Liam. If only love could have saved him,……….